Hey, did you know that Ferris Bueller's Day Off came out 28 years ago today? Just a little trivia to hold your interest.
So it is Wednesday night and I've officially gone halfway through my first week back at work. It's weird to have to get up early again, look presentable, act like an adult, blah blah blah. I've been here less than a week and I already feel the restrictions tightening around my neck. I went from being twenty and free and crazy with my friends to acting like a real adult and having professional responsibilities, as well as more serious repercussions. There's not as much wiggle room here. I knew the lack of independence and the increased dependence on my behavior would be a pain in the ass, but I think I underestimated how hard it would be.
Adulthood, man. It sucks.
I can't say I love my job yet, as I've only been at it three days. I really like the people I work with, however. They're all very sweet and patient with me and my thousand questions. The first day I felt a little like I'd been thrown in the deep end of the pool without having taking swimming lessons, and it was incredibly stressful. I almost cried this morning at the thought of going to work, honestly. But then I ended up having a pretty good day, which just goes to show that I have to be open to changing my attitude. Even if I'm dreading it that morning, that doesn't mean my whole day has to suck. Even though I wanted nothing more than to crawl back in bed and hide from the world, I made myself put on my big girl pants and go out there.
I can't say a whole lot about my job, for fear of crossing some professional line etc. I can say that I'm working with American Citizen Services, and mostly I'm just doing intern work. Which is okay with me, actually. When it comes to this, I'd rather be a little bored and know what I'm doing than be stressed and freaking out. Pick your challenges, I say. It's nice to be challenged, but not when it gets to the point that it becomes a problem and damages your happiness. Besides, it's adventurous enough for me to live here.
It was surprisingly easy, how quickly I acclimated to Haiti again. It feels like I never left, and nothing here really shocks me anymore which is kind of a mixed blessing. The hardening of one's heart can protect it against pain, but if it's hardening against the intense poverty and illness, the squalor, the tragedy, that's not a good thing. It's not that I don't feel sympathy or guilt anymore; I just feel it less. Maybe I'm just becoming more cynical, I'm not sure. I just know that I'm used to seeing these things, and I almost wish that it still shocked me.
Anyway. On the bright side, some of the other summer hires are back, along with a few new ones which is awesome. What a relief it is to have people my own age! Some of the officers and staff are in their mid to late twenties, but they all seem so much older and more worldly. It's a good break to talk to someone closer to my age so they can relate a bit more.
I'm not going through some sort of existential crisis or anything, by the way. I just had a lot of thoughts upon my return here. I know it was a bit of a morose post, hopefully I'll have some funny stories next time.
cheers
P.S. There's a baby gecko on my ceiling, what should I name it? I think it's a boy.
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