*Disclaimer* The title is meant as a joke, please for the love of all things that are great in this world, don't take it seriously. You know who you are.
So. Instead of gushing about all the crazy, wild, fun things I did this weekend, I'm going to muse on the questions we all ask ourselves when we go abroad. One I've asked myself a lot this weekend is if I'm doing study abroad 'right.' Having been fortunate enough to have lived abroad several times, I thought I knew what to expect when I came here. However, there's been a few things weighing on my mind, and after a heart-to-heart with my roommate M, I've come to realize a few things.
When someone says they're going abroad for school, a typical response is something along the lines of "say yes to EVERYTHING!" "make the most of EVERY MOMENT!" "get out of your comfort zone!" or "don't miss out on any opportunity!" While these responses are certainly well intended, I have to wonder what kind of pressure they're putting on the student going abroad.
To explain my tongue-in-cheek title, that's why I refer to it as a social construction. Or rather, the experience. Everyone assumes that a student going abroad is going to have the best time, and most likely that is true. However, it's fluid. Everyone - including myself - has good days and bad days, where they toggle back and forth between feeling a sense of purpose & belonging, or feeling like they aren't doing enough to take advantage of being here. If they don't post pictures of themselves appearing to have a wonderful time, are they doing it right?! If they don't gush to their family and friends back home about the cool things they're doing, are they really doing anything at all?!
It's been hard not to compare my own experience to those of others, whether they be friends who have gone abroad before me or friends who are currently abroad with me or elsewhere. There's a lot of pressure to go somewhere every weekend, to go out several times a week, to have a million friends and to be constantly doing something. But at what point do I have to take a step back and say, hang on: this isn't what I want. I don't want to be pressured into doing something I'm not interested in, just because I'm afraid of missing out. No one should feel obligated to do things they don't want to do, just because they're afraid someone will say they weren't taking advantage of being abroad.
Let's take, for example, our three day weekends. Ah, what a beautiful thing. I've wished for three day weekends pretty much every day since elementary school. It's a great advantage here as well, when it comes to planning trips. This weekend I could make no alternative plans, because I had an archaeology 'field trip' in Perugia that prevented me from going away. While at first I was a little salty that I had to stay here, I actually think it ended up being a good thing. I don't have that many weekends in Perugia left, and I got a chance to explore the archaeological museums. Today I went for a beautiful solo ramble and toured a monastery. So...why do I feel like I should have done more?
Because I keep comparing my relatively low-key weekends to those of my fellow students who have already gone to Prague, Switzerland, Greece, London, or Spain.
It's important for me to remember - and for anyone else who has or will study abroad - that there is no rule for it. Everyone who comes back to the States looks back on their time so fondly that they are eager for others to enjoy it just as much, hence the 'say yes to EVERYTHING!' But let me put a stop to that right now. There simply isn't time. While I'd like to do as much as I can, and will certainly try, it's only four months, which goes by a lot faster than it seems. Secondly, I have to remember that pretty much everyone I know who has gone abroad has probably had these same doubts and moments of panic where they wonder if their experience is full enough or if they're not taking advantage of it enough. Third, I must remember that I chose Italy for a reason. While it's certainly easier to travel around Europe and I do plan to go out of Italy, I came to Italy...to explore Italy. So why doesn't that seem like enough to me?
Because I am wondering those things. Am I doing enough? Am I taking advantage of it enough? Am I doing it right? Do I even deserve to be here if I'm not going to say yes to everything?
There's nothing wrong with any scenario. Truly, I believe that. But I also think the urge to do anything and everything eclipses the mental health side of it. For introverts like myself and my roommate M, it takes us a little longer to be comfortable, to settle into a routine, to find firm friends (try saying that four times fast!). Other people are quicker at it. Doesn't mean they're more adventurous or braver or anything (though I do wish I could be more like that). Doesn't mean I'm a coward or that I'm not doing it 'right.'
Now, seemingly conversely I do think that it's important to get out of one's comfort zone and to take advantage of opportunities presented to us. But everyone has a different threshold, and one person's version of 'taking advantage of opportunities' does not translate to someone else. To reiterate my earlier point on choosing Italy for a reason, I have to remind myself that, just because I haven't yet left Italy, that doesn't mean I'm not taking advantage of my time here. And it's okay if everything is not always sunshine, to quote my roommate M.
There is somewhat a sense of expectation that one only has good experiences; however, no one - absolutely no one - has a perfect time. Everyone has things that they wish they'd done and didn't (this applies to 'normal life' as well, now that I think about it). There will be things that I won't do, and thus will regret not doing, I know that already and I've only been here a month. But I also don't want to dwell on what won't happen and try to focus on the things that have happened that I have enjoyed. And to remember that it's okay to not have everything be perfect and wild and adventurous all the time. Sometimes you just need to sit in your room with a book and have a night (or two) to yourself.
So here's the final word on the subject: there is no 'right' way to do abroad. As long as you're safe and happy where you are, it's okay if your version of adventure means wandering around in your city. It's also okay if your version of adventurous means leaving your host country to go to Switzerland or something. Everything is okay. There is no rule to study abroad. So if you find yourself in the same boat as me, tell yourself that you're here, aren't you? I'm here, aren't I? That's brave enough by itself.
*Further disclaimer* I'm not trying to complain or sound whiny; I just think this is something that should be considered but that's one man's opinion, that's all, have a great day BYE*
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